Medical Marijuana review: Red Velvet

One of the great not-often-talked about pleasures of getting high is immersing yourself in water when you’re stoned.

“It is a cold, drizzly afternoon that I sampled Red Velvet for the first time.”

I am instantly high and completely unable to construct a grammatically correct opening sentence for this review. Sitting inside, trying to keep warm, partly by trying out a new strain. Instead of going for a walk or listening to a record, I made the potentially dubious decision of looking at Facebook. After glossing over a few horrific posts, I saw a friend posting about watching “Kelly’s Heroes” for the first time. This was the ideal excuse to wax poetic about its theme song “Burning Bridges,” by the Mike Curb Congregation (yes, a short-lived “band” actually had that unwieldy name). I head to the Tube of You in order to look for it and I find something even better: a music video of the Congregation lip-syncing and marching around to their daffy tune like it’s 1984. But it’s not: It’s the very early 70s and looks every day of it. You will not see anything more 70s than this video today – not if you run into your septuagenarian uncle or binge watch a season of “That ‘70s Show.” But please, PLEASE watch it as I did: high on Red Velvet, or some other elevating strain.

Needless to say, Red Velvet gave me a serious jolt this afternoon, and I found myself jabbering on and on at my son when he came over to get some of my chicken noodle matzah ball soup. He looked at the title of this article up on my desktop, and laughed, which led into an entire discussion about various Cannabinthusiast articles from recent times, and now I’m writing about that for the site, which gives this entire thing a snake eating its own tail meta-cannibalization vibe.

One of the great not-often-talked about pleasures of getting high is immersing yourself in water when you’re stoned. The higher you are, the more transcendent of an experience it can be. Be it jumping in a pool, basking in a hot tub, taking a luxurious bath, or simply standing under a hot shower, the connection between cannabis and H20 is as obvious as the dirty water in your bong (may we suggest using some Piece Water?). On Day Two of trying out Red Velvet, I decided to DynaVap a capful and jump into the shower, with the express purpose of writing about it. Sure enough, I got lost in there. And the problem with showering stoned is that you can lose track of time as well as lose yourself; I say problem, when I mean benefit, clearly. Yes, this enveloping shower – again, on a cold, wet afternoon (two days in a row of this weather) – was one for the ages. Both times I enjoyed Red Velvet, my initial elevation was followed by an easy, restful come down.

From Grandiflora Genetics, Red Velvet is a Hybrid strain leaning slightly towards Sativa. Its THC level is 20.33%. Unfortunately, I have been unable to find any information on its terpene profile.